The Waiting Game or Trying to Screw My Courage to the Sticking Post

I made the appointment to discuss TKR with my OS.  He, of course advised me of all the things I would have to go through - hospital days, blood thinners, antibiotics, anesthesia,  the ULTIMATE RISK OF DEATH.  They don't make it easy.  I then had a check list of things given to me which had to be accomplished before they could set a surgery date.
I won't say I drug my feet, but I didn't rush around.  The lab work and chest xray were easy - going to the dentist was not.  I'm a major wuss when it comes to dentists, but I finally pushed myself in, and lucky for me, my teeth were in pretty good condition, so no work needed to be done.  Lastly my visit with my primary care, then on to setting the date.  At first we discussed a date in June, but I had tickets to The Book of Mormon on the July 7th.  My physician's assistant had already seen the show, so he knew that I didn't want to be uncomfortable, so sorting out our priorities, we set the date after the show - July 10th - D Day.
I was given a set of pre-hab exercises to strengthen my leg muscles which I tried to do faithfully.  I wasn't always successful.  I certainly did a lot more than I would have had I not been preparing for surgery.
As the days ticked forward, I began to have this sense of dread in my life.  Several times a day, I would come up with reasons as to why I didn't need to have this surgery done.  I was still walking, wasn't I?  I had some pain, but it wasn't that bad.  Two things kept me from weaseling out.  First:  I had pulled out of my hysterectomy many years ago only to be forced to have it done four years later.  By that time, it was bad enough that I had to have more invasive surgery and a longer recovery.  Second: every time I stood with my legs together (or tried to) I could see how my right leg was growing more and more crooked.  Doggedly, I kept on swimming (that metaphor really doesn't work, does it?)
June 28 - Finally my first pre-op appointment comes.  I have to have more blood work and also pick up the Hibiclens to wash my knee with before surgery.   My P.A.  is great and asks if I have any questions, but I really don't.  I don't know enough to ask questions.
In the week between the 1st and 2nd pre-op visits, I resort to googling knee replacements and reading all I can.  I judiciously avoid any YouTube videos of the surgery.  Talk about TMI!  I find a great website called Bonesmart dedicated to joint replacement surgery.  They have a pre-op and post-op side (or the "other side" as they call it.)  I begin to read voraciously.  Lots of information that I had never thought about.  I jot things down on my phone.
July 5 - I had my second pre-op and boy, did I have a lot of question for my P.A..  I also got a lot of questions answered. My blood was typed, and I'm now wearing two hospital bands which I have to keep on, and I don't even go to the hospital til next Wednesday. Still don't know exactly what kind of anesthesia I will be having since I haven't talked to the anesthesiologist, but I have filled out a questionnaire for him/her. I will have a pain med button to push at the beginning, and I will have an ice machine to take home. I will not have a wedge, so will have to pillow elevate. I will have TED stockings. I will be given Norco for pain, and when I asked if I needed something more, my PA said they would have something. I will be given a stool softener to take all the time I'm on the pain meds, so hopefully that will handle any bowel issues. I asked him about the TENS unit which I already have for my back, and he said not until wound has healed more 2-3 weeks.
I've already cooked and frozen more than two weeks of dinners that my hubby can just pop in microwave and add maybe rice, potatoes and veg to. He can do that. I'm hoping to get dusting done, but if it doesn't get done, it doesn't get done. The rest of the house is in pretty good shape, and my husband has been doing the laundry since we moved here since the W/D are in the basement. I don't do stairs if I can help it. He gets to walk the puppy (5 month old Cocker Spaniel) all the time til I'm up to walking down the stairs and outside.
This week before surgery, I've had to quit taking my ibuprofen, plus the low dose aspirin and a couple of supplements.  I probably say to myself several times a day "This is not that bad, maybe I really don't need this surgery." but today after three days off my ibuprofen, I'm ready to stop this pain!
Now, it's the day before surgery.  It's been a tough day so far. I'm really tired because I got up so early since I couldn't sleep, and all the nervous apprehension got to me a little bit. I got really low this a.m., but I feel better now. We're having dinner tonight with some friends.  She had a partial knee done about two years ago and loves it.  She has been rooting me on for years. They had the servers at the restaurant play Sir Paul's "When I'm 64" with a birthday cake and ice cream brought in since my birthday was yesterday.  Great evening.
OK, first ceremonial washing with Hibiclens done. One more in the morning, then off to the hospital!  Now if I can just sleep. . .